Welcome to my blog!
Please let me know what is happening out there! I live in a small down and sometimes feel that I'm the only one struggling with Parenthood! I am especially interested in finding out how other parents with Disabilities cope with raising their children and the success stories.
I am also very interested in knowing what services that you feel would assist you in parenting. I am currently gathering information to use in developing new ways to assist parents with Disabilities without having live in fear of having their children placed outside the home.
Please feel free to leave your comments! I am so looking forward to hearing your comments/stories.
I am also very interested in knowing what services that you feel would assist you in parenting. I am currently gathering information to use in developing new ways to assist parents with Disabilities without having live in fear of having their children placed outside the home.
Please feel free to leave your comments! I am so looking forward to hearing your comments/stories.
posted by Aldea LaParr | 3:13 PM
2 Comments:
You are an inspiration and living example of what good may come to those who ask for help and establish the right supports.
I am a divorced parent who let fear "of what could go wrong" dictate my decision to not even try for residency of my two children.
I let fear stop me, because I have bipolar disorder. I was afraid that if I tried for residency, the judge would discriminate against me and I would end up getting even less time with my kids than I do now.
I was even threatened by my ex when I told him that I would take him back to court to get 1/2 of the time with them. He said that he would use my hospitalizations against me as "proof" that I was not stable and that he was. At the time I was scared that he was right, but now I wonder if I should have got an advocate and fought for my rights.
I haven't been hospitalized for 4 years now and my well-being is on my side.
The reason I don't "fight" for more time with my children now is because I see them as being happy with the way things are. Their life's happiness is more important to me than winning a custody battle. I know that they have the Best Father they could have is another reason. I go out of my way and I think that he does too to "get along" so our kids can be as well adjusted as they can be.
I cry a lot because sometimes my heart feels like it'll break in two when we have to part, but I know that in the deepest parts of my soul that I am doing the right thing by the times we spend together. My time with them is all "quality time" and by keeping the peace with their father and not bad mouthing him, my kids are going to not only love me, but respect me...and if the time comes when they want more time...they will be able to come and I will know that I truly did right by them.
If I saw that my kids were suffering by the arrangement I would think it worth it to try my luck in court, but for now, things are good.
I guess the reason I am writing to you is to encourage others who have a disability to find out all the information they can before they are faced with major life decisions such as custody of their children. If I had it to do over, I would have tried for 1/2 of the time and not automatically think that I would lose based on my disability alone. My only regret is that I just didn't know the kinds of supports that are out there for parents while I was facing such a very important decision.
I admire you Aldea for sticking your neck out there and taking the plunge! You are going to benefit so many people by your courage and your story. It comforts me to know that there are people out there who do care and will offer the information needed to progress.
I have to say I 100% agree with the previous posters thoughts about Aldea.:D I personally know her and work with her. She is definitely an inspiration and a breath of fresh air for me.
I myself have been in situations where Ive been hesitant to ask for help regarding my kids as well.I have spina bifida and I use a wheelchair. Both my children (ages 12 and 3) are typically developed. I think my worst fear is when Im hospitalized and Ive got to find someone quick, fast and in a hurry to watch my kids for an unspecified amount of time.On two occasions I needed to be hospitalized right away.I denied medical treatment due to the fact that I needed to make childcare provisions for my children before I could be admitted.The second time the hospital called in a social worker who immediately suggested placing my children in foster care! My response to him was "how dare you! Regardless of whether an individual has a disability or not they might not be prepared for something unexpected as an unspecified amount of time in a hospital and like anyone else people with disabilities who have children have an obligation to their kids." I wasnt playing the disability card and wasnt about to let him either. I left the hospital with the intent of being back the next day to be hospitalized after having taken care of MY children. I think alot of times people with disabilities have made great strides in life and society is what holds us back with their narrow minded thinking.When I decided to divorce my husband things at first werent pretty and of course he threatened to use my disability against me.I immediately called a lawyer to find out if that was a possibility for him to do. The lawyers advice to me was to preceed with the divorce.The only way that my ex husband could use my disability against me is if I was in a state of mind where I couldnt think or provide for my children on my own.Outcome: I have custody of both my children. I think its fantastic that people with disabilities are leading "normal" lives and breaking out of the stereotypes that society as set for us.I also think its important that when in situations such as hospitalizations that you let people know you're capable and have a game plan.Your disability situation may be playing a small role in things but not to the extent that they think. Let them know everyone needs help once in a while and you're no different because you're disabled. You just might need to hold on to the reigns a little tighter then most and not let go so that you can be in control of your situation.:) Seek support from advocates and other individuals with similiar disabilities that might help come up with a solution. I find people with disabilities to be very strong minded,caring individuals and always willing to lend a hand if possible.We can do anything we set our minds too.It just might take a little effort on our part but we will succeed if given the chance!
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